We all think domestic violence happens somewhere else. Like any crime, it is easier to deal with it when we think it doesn’t affect us – but unfortunately that is not the case. I would like to share a story with you about a woman I know; her name is Bonnie.
Bonnie was a petite woman, especially compared to her 6-foot-8-inch, 240 pound husband. They had three children who were all physically and mentally abused by their father. He would beat the two oldest children and when he did, Bonnie would step between them and take the blows; many times being knocked unconscious.
Bonnie was eventually able to get a restraining order and she and the kids moved in with her mother. One night the father broke into the house and kidnapped Bonnie with a shotgun to her head – all while the two older children watched.
That night the youngest son, who was four years old and had slept through the kidnapping, woke up in a police car with his brother and sister. They were being taken to the children’s guardian home. That four year old had no idea what was going on — he just wanted his mom. After several days, Bonnie escaped from the car where she was being held while he was asleep and eventually her husband went to prison.
Bonnie never gave up. She remarried and worked to make a better life for her family. Her oldest son eventually ran for Congress and served his country for 30 years in Washington, D.C. Her youngest son went into real estate and became a vice-president for the largest real estate company in Indiana. He later ran for public office and has served the last 26 years in the Indiana General Assembly.
Although this may sound like a fictional story, it is not. It is the story of my family. I was the four year old who woke up in the police car to find his mother missing, and his family torn apart.
Domestic violence can happen to anyone of any race, age or gender and it affects people of all socioeconomic backgrounds and education levels. It is a pattern of behavior in any relationship that is used to gain or maintain power and control over an intimate partner. The abuse comes in many forms including physical, sexual, emotional, economic or psychological.
Nonviolent Alternatives is an organization in Greenwood that offers a Batterers Intervention Program. The classes address all types of inappropriate or abusive behavior including emotional abuse, mental abuse, verbal abuse, substance abuse and physical abuse. If you are interested in learning about the men’s, women’s and online groups they offer, please contact them at 317-859-9555 or www.nonviolentalternatives.com
The Indiana Coalition Against Domestic Violence is a statewide alliance of domestic violence programs, support agencies and concerned individuals. They provide technical assistance, resources, information and training to those who serve victims of domestic violence as well as promote social and systems change through public policy, public awareness and education. They also offer a 24 hour statewide hotline: 800-332-7385. To learn more about domestic violence, discover how you can help and to find resources for victims, visit www.icadvinc.org.
We may think that we do not know of anyone affected by these crimes, but that is simply not the case. Too many people are affected by this crime. Speaking out, even though these are painful memories for my family, helps raise awareness and lets others know that they are not alone. Silence only protects the perpetrators. Speaking out saves. I encourage you to join me in raising awareness during Domestic Violence Awareness Month.
